Three Signs You Are Just Insecure—and Not a Loser

 In Confidence, Going To The Ugly, Leadership Advice

Going through a hard time and feeling less than your confident self?

Perhaps its been awhile since you felt like yourself at all. What used to work well in your job—or your dating life, or your job search—is not producing results anymore. It is important to catch yourself at this point before you start drawing the wrong conclusions about yourself and do unnecessary damage to your self-image.

Despite the evidence you are gathering against yourself, you are not a loser—you are just feeling insecure.

Three signs you are feeling insecure

1. Comparing yourself to others

A powerful quote comes to mind: “Every minute you spend wishing you had someone else’s life is a minute spent wasting yours.” Author unknown. When you catch yourself comparing your success/looks/results to someone else’s, you are feeding the insecurity monster. The best approach is to simply catch yourself and interrupt the pattern.

2. Generalizing or “Awfulizing”

This is when you take all the negative aspects of your reality and put them together to make a case for you being a loser. My clients in a job search will say, “I have sent out 300 resumes and cold-called 11 companies, and NO ONE wants to talk to me.” Never mind that the client has no targeted approach, has been applying for roles beneath his ability and has not tapped his actual network at all. If you catch yourself grouping your reality into piles such as everyone, no one, all, etc., that is a sign you are generalizing. It’s just accumulated stress and not the full picture.


Yes, adults pout! If you are feeling victimized by outside circumstances and starting to feel sorry for yourself, you are probably just feeling a little insecure. It happens to the best of us. It helps to simply recognize that it is a bit of insecurity and that it is just a feeling. A feeling is just that—a feeling. An emotion. It is not a predictor of our behavior.


Okay, I am feeling insecure—what now?

Once you acknowledge that you are not a loser who will never work or succeed again, you need to take some action for your future self. You might carry with you the feeling of insecurity, but you must still make some forward momentum on behalf of the future you. Use your intellect to make a list of things to do to solve this success issue and then start executing on it—even if you don’t feel like it. Also, how is your exercise program? Don’t miss out on the free dopamine from a workout—you need all of the happy chemicals you can get right now. Your future, successful self will thank you.

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