Can Leaders Truly Detach From Work, Or Is It Just A Myth?
Do you ever find yourself wondering if truly “switching off” from work is even possible? It’s something I’ve wrestled with myself, and I recently shared my insights on this very question in my latest Forbes article as part of the Forbes Coaches Council:
I recently overheard a sports commentator talking about how it is now agreed that the Kansas City Chiefs’ tight end Travis Kelce plays much better when he has had more designated rest days. This made me laugh because of course he plays better with rest. We all do better with rest! But I get why it’s a big deal—we live in a more-is-better culture where we’re constantly encouraged to keep grinding, and work is no exception.
Most of us have heard the advice that detaching from work allows for mental recovery, which reduces our stress and improves our sleep, personal relationships, sense of fulfillment and performance. However, not only do most successful leaders not practice detachment, but if they do, it is kind of a secret because there is little encouragement to do so.
If you have had a stressful event, period of conflict or just some general bad news at work, it can wreak havoc on your peace of mind when you are not at work. That is where some healthy detachment can help.
When I work with my clients who are very stressed or in a state of overwhelm, I draw them a simple diagram to illustrate the balance we are looking for when it comes to healthy detachment. I draw a horizontal line across the page. Underneath the line on the far left side is the extreme I call Unhealthy Attachment. On the far right is the other extreme, called Indifference. And right in the middle is Healthy Detachment.
Unhealthy attachment is a constant, consuming connection with work, both electronically and mentally. The other extreme is called indifference, and it can be just as damaging. Indifference is when we just stop caring because we feel that caring has gotten us nowhere. The problem with indifference is that it is like a switch. Once you let your psyche stop caring, it cannot discern what to care about and when to stay shut down—it’s just off. Not good.
Two Kinds Of Healthy Detachment
In the context I’m discussing, attachment comes in two major categories. One is electronic and the other is psychological.
Electronic Detachment
Thanks to the blessing of technology, work seems to find a way to seep into our personal lives. Checking email or responding to an instant message while at your kid’s soccer game on Saturday can seem so innocuous, and yet, depending on the content, it has the capacity to rob us of that moment—or day, or weekend.
Here are some ways to electronically detach:
1. Set a small, weekly no-check boundary for yourself and keep to it. For my clients who are tethered 24/7, I usually have them start with a four-hour block, over a weekend, where they agree to not check their work apps. If they can’t accomplish this, I recommend they lower the bar and try for two hours.
2. Next, make daily rules for yourself. During the week, after work, I suggest 30-minute increments of not touching your phone at all. Set the phone timer and throw the phone in a drawer. Focus on family time, the show you are watching or the food you are cooking or eating. But no phone. Once this is accomplished a few times, set a daily no-check boundary for most work days. And don’t forget to silence notifications so you don’t get dragged into work mode when you intend to be disconnected.
Psychological Detachment
Maybe you already have some good habits around the electronic kind of attachment, but your mind refuses to stop thinking about work. Although it may seem as though your brain has a mind of its own, it really does not. There are ways to curb those invasive, annoying repetitive thoughts of work.
1. Externalize your tasks by putting them on a list (outside of your mind). This brilliant advice comes from David Allen in his bestselling book Getting Things Done. If you are in the habit of externalizing each task that needs to be done, your brain will feel a sense of control, which can lead to healthy detachment.
2. Deliberately process any bad stuff that happens at work. I find that my clients often don’t want to process a bad interaction or event at work because it seems like that would further cut into their peace of mind, when actually, the opposite is true. It’s more of a pay now or pay later (possibly at 2:30 a.m.) type of situation. So jot it down or type it up; you’ll be surprised at what writing out your grievances can do. Don’t send it to anyone; just process it for yourself.
3. Exercise, a lot. Ever since the pandemic, I have been telling my clients that daily exercise is not a luxury, it’s a prescription. We humans are not designed to take the level of stress that a leader contends with on a daily basis sitting still.
4. Delegate better and trust your team. You became a good leader because you were given “too much” responsibility. Give your people more. Trust them more. Otherwise, you’ll end up doing “everything,” and that is not a sustainable plan.
If you agree that it would be helpful to detach a bit from work, try to support yourself and do a little experiment with some of these new habits for a few weeks. See if you feel more freedom from the psychological and electronic burden of work.
